what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
