sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
