Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
