I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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