So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
