9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my liver is dry heaving
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
