This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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