a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They took my balls.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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