she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
