Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
