he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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