I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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