im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
