We won't sleep together?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
