wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
