I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
