i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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