everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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