Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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