I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
