Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
