Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think i have two assholes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
