you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
