OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
