They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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