I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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