After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
