i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
