His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she told me i tasted like america
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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