It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
