you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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