Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
