i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
