Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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