I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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