She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
