I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
