TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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