i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
