He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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