You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
