i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
