dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
