I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
