someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
