i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
