I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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