Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
