my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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