I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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