I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
